So, when are you having another baby?


Little Miss G was 16 months yesterday *pats herself in the back for not killing her yet*. She is a total and utter joy. She has the odd tantrum here and there, but she is otherwise delightful. She can say about 30 words and she can walk everywhere, so all she needs is someone to play with her and she is genuinely happy. 

 What, however, has started to happen since she turned about one is that one question “when will you have another baby?” Don’t get me wrong, I don’t mind our friends asking. We were the first to have a baby in our group of friends, so sometimes that question from them can almost sound like “Do you think you could survive two kids? If you think so, then maybe I could give one a go”

 What I truly mind is strangers asking the question. I do not know you, why would you ask me this? I know that men get the same question once they have a child, Mr H does, but somehow it seems that the general consensus is that women are the ones to decide when or if it will happen. And so it should be! It is us who have to deal with 10 long months of pregnancy. It is us who then have to wave goodbye to pert breasts forever. It is (most of) us who will then struggle to lose the weight afterwards as well as be up at night with a crying baby. 

 Mr H is wonderful and many other dads are too, but they will never fully understand what it is like to live in a body that has had a baby. Even my most glamourous friends, the ones who are actually thinner now than they were before, complain about the state of things after the baby and it ranges from their breasts, their hair, their tummies or their fannies (not, my American friends, I don’t mean “ass”, even though I am sure that pregnancy ruined many asses out there too)

 Why do I start to resent the question more and more? Here are some reasons:

 1. I don’t know IF I will ever be able to have another one. Nobody can ever be sure, so don’t make it sound like it will be easy and I just have to decide when. It might not be easy at all. And this is why this question should be banned alltogether. What is someone’s first baby took 5 years to come along? What if it took 5 failed IVF treatments?

2. IF I wanted a second, third or fourth child, WHY would I tell you, my dear stranger, that I am having sex like crazy to make it happen? Would you not think that this is just weird?

3. Having a baby is a blessing for most of us, but it comes with financial, psychological and general earth shattering repercussions. Why would you actually assume that I know when/if to have another baby? I might think something one day and change my mind the next! 

The past 16 months have seen me learning more about crying, asthma, eczema and food allergies than I’d ever thought I would. I have had to book many emergency doctor appointments for Little Miss G and by the age of 8 months, she had already seen how A&E (or ER for the American friends) works both in the UK and in Italy! It is sometimes as hard as it is amazing.

 In short, just don’t ask me that question. And, please don’t ask my husband either, as, really, IT IS NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS!

Twitter   @from_fun_to_mum

7 responses to “So, when are you having another baby?”

  1. Natalie says:

    Love this post.

    I didn’t get the chance to be asked when baby number two would be coming. We had our three children pretty close together. But I’m sure if this wasn’t the case my response would be much like yours. Lol x

  2. Nikki says:

    Yes I quite agree! Why do people ask these things? When I was pregnant with number four having three boys everyone asked me if I wanted a girl! I used to reply curtly that I wanted a baby!

  3. Some people are so presumptuous aren’t they! Like patting your bump. Hello! Personal space people!
    We caught people out. Yes they asked about when #2 was coming. But then we caught them out and produced #3. Hah! Back at you!
    Great post x

  4. Claire says:

    I agree totally. We were asked this question within a week of my son being born. I’d had a traumatic birth, to the point where my vulva had more stitches in it than Frankenstein’s monster. I could barely walk, and people were asking that??? Le sigh…

  5. Ailsa says:

    Phew, I am not the only one.

    I get asked this a lot, and no I don’t want more, but often when I say this folk crinkle there faces and say “You might change your mind” like somehow maybe I will grow into the idea that all I am good for is popping out kids. What I have started to say is “I think Lily is a lot of work, she needs time and effort and I would rather focus the my time and resources getting one child right than spread myself out amongst six to please strangers”

    It comes across as a bit rude but I also think asking relative strangers what their life plans are with regards to sex and their reproductive organs is also extremely rude. x

  6. Rachel says:

    I got that too. Once you get pregnant your privacy is gone; as a previous commenter said, it starts with the public right to touch your bump! When we announce number 3 on the way, it seemed everyone thought it was appropriate to ask if it was an accident. And for the record: No. It was not 😉

  7. Fran says:

    Have finished having babies now – at 45 my youngest is 4 and just starting school tomorrow (oddly sad and excited about this at the same time – she is just thrilled!).
    It was no 2 in your post – the having sex to make a baby comment – does anyone else find it a bit weird when someone, particularly a casual acquaintance or a celeb in a mag, says they are trying for a baby i.e having loads of sex! Do I want to know!

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