Will you make the first move?


 You’re in a pub, club or even at work and there’s a really good looking guy you’ve spotted. You’ve noticed him, checked his ring finger, smiled coyly and left it at that. So now you wait for him to come over and tell you how beautiful you are.

He probably won’t. Not because you’re not beautiful (you’re gorgeous, especially you over there), but because more likely than not, he just won’t come over. So you leave it. Possibly missing out.

Why should we expect men to do all the chasing? Is it not a little archaic to expect to be courted or wooed? Surely, when we demand equality in the workplace and at home, we should also expect to give a little back in dating?

I’ll admit that I have never really been chatted up. I’m not very patient, so I used to go over to anyone I liked the look of and just chat to them. Yes, sometimes they were not available or were mildly freaked out by a woman making the first move but, more often than not, at the very least I had a really nice time talking to them. Sometimes it resulted in a date. Sometimes not. But it didn’t matter.

It feels so rewarding to have the confidence to go up to a guy and just start chatting to him. Yes, you might be nervous, but do you not think he would feel the same coming over to talk to you? What have you got to lose? OK, so he might be unavailable or uninterested but at least you tried, and you’ve come away from it with nothing less than when you went over. Hey, you might even get a hot date.

Have a drink before you attempt asking a guy out if it will help. But whatever you do, don’t have too much! You wouldn’t want a drunk person chatting you up, so don’t be that person! My husband told me about a girl he’d flirted with at a party most of the night (before we were together obviously). They went outside after the party finished and he realised she was really drunk. She was trying to get him to come back to her house. “I’m not going to beg you to come home with me” she said, following that up in the very next sentence with “Please come home with me”. Needless to say he didn’t go home with her!

The moment I realised I was missing out by not making the first move was on a night out in London. I spent most of the night making eyes at a guy, only to finally go and pluck up the courage to talk to him at the very end of the evening. He didn’t speak any English! 

My success story is that I asked a man out who I worked with twelve years ago, we have been together ever since and celebrate nine years of marriage this year!

So go on, go for it. What have you got to lose? It’s not easy, it’s pretty nerve-wracking, but it feels great once you get into it. If you’re not sure how to go about asking a man out, you could always google it, there are some entertaining suggestions!